Autumn's Wild Heart (Seasons Book 4) Read online

  James paced the length of the room more times than he could count. He couldn’t sleep. And time seemed to have stopped. The clock on the mantel seemed not to have moved from one time he looked to the next. He couldn’t wait for it to be light enough to begin his search again.

  At last the pre-dawn light was faint enough for him to return to the stable and saddle his horse. Several stable hands milled about, waiting to join him in his search and he wouldn’t turn down their help. The more men searching for Nella, the sooner they’d find her.

  They rode away from Colworth Abbey, then scattered when they reached the end of the lane, each rider taking a different area.

  James didn’t know where he was going. He stopped on a small rise and assessed the options. As he was about to turn toward the village, he realized he’d been on this very spot with Nella. With their friends. The day they’d stumbled across the old stone quarry foreman’s cottage.

  Excited, he urged his horse to a full gallop. As they crested a knoll, the small cottage came into view. His hopes were high, but it was the smoke coming from the chimney that threw his heart into tumult.

  The moment they drew near the cottage, James threw himself from his horse and raced through its small garden. He smashed his hand down on the door’s latch and burst inside.

  It was early in the morning, and from her looks, Nella had just wakened. Or she hadn’t slept yet. Dark circles rimmed her red, swollen eyes and her complexion was a pale shade of gray. It was obvious that she’d been ill.

  “Nella?” he said, cautiously stepping to where she stood next to a wash basin.

  With one more stride he pulled her into his arms.

  “No,” she said, holding a wet cloth to her face. “Leave me.”

  “I’m not leaving you. You need someone with you.”

  She shook her head. “Not you. Oh, God help me.” She clutched at her stomach. “Not you, my lord. Not after what I’ve done to you.”

  “Sit down, Nella.” He moved her to a chair next to the table.

  She sat. Not because she was following his orders, he was sure, but because she was so weak she couldn’t stand on her feet.

  “Stay here. I’ve got to let the rest of them know I’ve found you.”

  James stepped out of the house and fired his gun. Moments later, several of the men rode into the yard and he told them he’d found her. He ordered them to return to the house and tell Covey to have a bath and food prepared.

  When everyone had gone, he went inside to be with his wife.

  She stood beside the basin as if she needed to be close to it in case she became ill again.

  He closed the door and stood there for several moments. There was something about the expression on Nella’s face that terrified him. An expression that told him something truly awful had happened.

  “What is it, Nella? Why are you here?”

  She shook her head, then turned her back to him. “I needed to think. Please, leave me alone.”

  “I’m not leaving you, Nella.”

  She walked over to the small table and sat on one of its two chairs.

  “I think we need to talk.”

  She lifted her gaze. “Do you?”

  “Yes, I do.” James stepped over to the table and sat in the chair opposite her. “Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

  “I need time, James.”

  “Time for what, Nella?”

  “Time to work out what I’m going to do.”

  “What do you mean, what you’re going to do?”

  She didn’t answer him, but sat in silence. At last she lifted her gaze and looked at him. “Are you hurt? Did you get into another fight while you were in London?” she asked, reaching for his hands. She ran her fingers across his knuckles, then searched his face for any evidence of bruises.

  “There was no fighting, Nella. It was just that once.”

  She lowered her gaze and clenched her hands in her lap, then nodded as if his answer lifted at least one heavy burden from her shoulders.

  “Nella, what’s wrong? Please, tell me.”

  She lifted her gaze and James’ heart shattered in his chest. Her eyes were filled with tears that were ready to spill from her lashes.

  “I want you to know, I’ll do whatever you wish. We haven’t been married all that long. I’ll agree to a divorce. You can claim whatever reason you want. Say I was unfaithful. Or that I wasn’t a good wife. Or—”

  “Stop it, Nella!” he said, bolting to his feet. “Why on earth are you talking about a divorce? We’re married! You’re my wife!”

  James skirted the table and knelt on the floor beside her. He reached for her hands and held them.

  Nella shook her head and pulled her hands out of his grasp. “I’m so sorry. If only I had known, I would have let things play out as they intended. But I didn’t know. I didn’t know.”

  “You didn’t know what?”

  “About Lady Blanche.”

  He was confused. “What about Lady Blanche?”

  “Oh, James,” she said on a moan. “I’m so sorry.”

  She lifted her face and looked at him. Tears she’d held at bay until now ran down her cheeks. There was so much hurt and anguish on her face and in her eyes, it ripped his heart from his chest. He’d never seen such raw pain in a person’s eyes as he did now. As if his dear wife hurt to her very soul.

  “Please believe me when I tell you that I didn’t know. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I only thought to…”

  “Thought to what?”

  “To save you. And now I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make things right.”

  “What things do you have to make right?”

  “Everything,” she said and stood.

  “Is that why you ran away?” he asked. “Is that why you left Colworth Abbey?”

  She wrapped her arms around her middle. “I needed to think. And there were too many memories of you there. I couldn’t think.”

  “What did you have to think about?”

  James gathered her close and held her as tightly as he dared.

  “I should have just let it happen the way they planned it.”

  “But I’ve told you, Nella,—”

  Her small cry stopped his words from spilling out as she struggled to calm her breathing.

  “I didn’t know she was carrying your child and she was desperate to marry you. I ruined it all, James. I’m so sorry. I ruined your life. And hers. And the life of your child.”

  James dropped his arms from his wife and staggered back a step. “Why do you think Blanche is carrying my child?”

  “She told me,” Nella said through her tears. “She was here two days ago and…and…she told me,” Nella finished in a rush of sobs. “And it was…obvious that she’s expecting. Oh, James! I’ve ruined everything. She’s going away to have your baby. She intends to give it away to the first person who will take it. Or leave it in some back alley. She’s going to pawn off your baby as if it’s a used piece of clothing or an unwanted pet. Unless…”

  His heart froze. “Unless?”

  She gulped. “Unless I take the babe after it’s born and leave England. And you.”

  It was diabolical. He could strangle the woman for putting such an untenable burden on his dear wife.

  “Nella, listen to me.” James stood on shaky legs and held his wife. “If Lady Blanche is having a baby, it’s not mine.”

  Nella shook her head. “You don’t have to deny it, James. Everyone in the ton thought you and Blanche would marry. You were so well-suited to each other. She’s the most beautiful creature in Society, and you’re the most handsome. It was obvious from the start that you were well-fitted to each other and you wouldn’t have given me even a first look if I hadn’t tricked you. And now…now…oh, James. I’m so sorry. Tell me what to do to make things right,” she begged.

  James reached for his wife’s hands and held them. “Nella, you don’t have to do anything. Everything is perfect as it is.”

&n
bsp; “No.” She twisted out of his grasp. “Nothing is perfect. I’ve ruined everything and I know you must hate me. You’ll always hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you. I have never hated you.”

  “You don’t have to say that. I know you couldn’t possibly mean it. And I can’t blame you. I’m not the woman you wanted for your wife.” She struck a fisted hand gently against his chest and took a step back. “Do you realize, James, you have never even kissed me? Do you think I don’t know why? Do you think I don’t know that you find it repulsive to kiss me?”

  “That’s not true, Nella.” He reached to pull her back. He intended to kiss her until she was senseless, but she twisted out of his grasp.

  “Oh, James. Do you think I don’t know that as soon as I provide you with an heir you’ll no longer come to my bed? Do you think me such a fool that I haven’t realized you cannot even make love to me until you drink enough to give you the courage to touch me?”

  James reeled at her words, yet he could only find truth in them.

  “Is that why you haven’t told me that you’re going to have my babe?”

  Her eyes opened wide and her mouth formed a quivering ‘O’.

  “You know?”

  “Yes, I know. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I wasn’t ready to lose you yet.”

  There weren’t words that could have hurt him more than the words she’d just uttered. Perhaps in the beginning he thought he would leave her and go to London when he was assured she was having a child, but that was true no longer. Just as it wasn’t true that he needed a drink or two for courage before he could make love to her. Most nights he couldn’t wait to pull her into his arms. To have her beneath him while he made love to her. To hold her and feel her hands caress him.

  “Oh, Nella. I’m so sorry. I never meant for you to doubt that I cared for you.”

  “How could you care for me?” she asked quietly. “I forced you to marry me. How could you want me?” She walked away from him. “Now please, go away and leave me be.”

  James looked at his wife. It pained him greatly to know how he’d hurt her. How unloved he’d made her feel even though he hadn’t intended to. How unwanted he’d let her feel even though he wanted her more desperately than he’d ever be able to prove to her.

  “Please come home with me, Nella. We have much to discuss yet.”

  She shook her head.

  “Please,” he said. He grasped her by the arms and locked his gaze with hers. “Please,” he said, then lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers.

  He couldn’t fathom why this was the first time he’d kissed her. How could he have been so unfeeling? So unkind?

  He kissed her once, softly, gently. Then, kissed her again.

  There was so much he wanted to teach her. So much he was desperate to show her.

  He wrapped his arms around her and gathered her close to him. When he had her in his grasp, he deepened his kiss. Not enough to frighten her, but enough to show her the depth of his feeling for her.

  At first he feared she would not respond to his kisses, but on a soft moan she tilted her head and wrapped her arms around his neck.

  “James,” she whispered and he kissed her again.

  Her voice rasped, and her breathing became heavy.

  “Yes, Nella. Kiss me. Let me show you how much I love you.”

  She stiffened in his arms.

  “Yes, Nella. I love you. I love you. I love everything about you. You are one of the most tender, most talented, most caring persons I’ve ever met. I don’t care if you can’t dance. I’ll teach you. I promise. Then there will be nothing you can’t do.”

  He brought his mouth down on hers again and kissed her once more. “I love you,” he said when he lifted his mouth from hers. “Please, don’t ever doubt that I do. I couldn’t live without you.”

  She answered his kiss with a kiss filled with passion. He’d never doubted that she cared for him. If she hadn’t cared for him, she wouldn’t have saved him from Blanche’s deception.

  “Come now,” he said. “Let me take you home.”

  “What about Blanche?”

  “I can do nothing about Blanche. If she’s carrying a child, that child is not mine. It’s someone else’s.”

  “Truly?”

  “Of course, truly. I’ve never lain with her.”

  “Then why did she tell me she was carrying your child?”

  “To hurt you. Because she’s a spoiled, manipulative female who is used to getting what she wants and you ruined her plans.”

  “But—”

  “But nothing, Nella. Marrying you was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  “Why did you agree to marry me, James? I offered you a way out.”

  James smiled. “Yes, you did. But we have my aunt to thank for my decision.”

  “Your aunt?”

  “Yes. She knew before I did that you would be a perfect match for me and persuaded me to take you as my wife. I will always be indebted to her. I’ve found a love with you I don’t deserve. I’ve discovered a life I never thought I’d have.”

  A small sob spilled from Nella’s lips.

  “What?” he asked. “What has you so worried?”

  Nella drew a long breath. “The child, my love. Blanche’s child. It doesn’t deserve—”

  He placed a finger across her lips to hush her words. “We’ll be there to get the child when the time comes, Nella. I promise. If we don’t discover who the father is, we’ll place the babe in a good home, with people who will love it. I promise.”

  As soon as she registered what he was saying, she threw her arms around him and hugged fiercely.

  “Oh James. Oh James! You are the dearest man!”

  James laughed and held her closer. He nestled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. He never wanted to let her go. “I love you, Nella. I love you so much I’m afraid my heart will break from the thought of ever losing you. You’ve shown me a love I didn’t think was possible and I can’t live without you.”

  “Are you sure?” she asked.

  “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Now, come with me and let’s make a home for the child you’re carrying. Our child.”

  “Gladly, James,” she whispered as she leaned up to kiss him.

  And he took her back to Colworth Abbey, where she belonged.

  ~■~

  James woke the following morning to the sounds of Nella quietly retching.

  “Nella,” he said when she came back into the bedchamber. “Come back to bed with me.”

  She didn’t argue, but made her way back in the pre-dawn hours and slid into the bed next to him.

  “I’m sorry I woke you,” she whispered. She wrapped her arms around him and nestled her head beneath his chin.

  “I only wish you wouldn’t have to suffer so.” He lowered his head and kissed her forehead.

  “It’s only your child telling me he or she is healthy and growing inside me.”

  “I’ve decided it’s a little girl,” he said as he nuzzled her chin.

  “What makes you think that?”

  “Because I want a little girl just like her mother. I want a little girl to paint me pictures I can hang on my study walls, and I want to listen to the sound of my little daughter practicing her piano so she can become as talented as her mother. And a little girl who can snuggle on my lap and listen while I read her stories.”

  “Oh, James,” she said as she stretched lazily. “Actually, I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl as long as it has your remarkable good looks. And doesn’t slurp his or her tea.”

  “Ha. Can you believe we were fortunate enough to make another human being to carry on our name and talents?”

  “It is quite remarkable, isn’t it?”

  “Yes. Quite.” He drew her close again. “When I think of how our life together began, I consider it a miracle. Do you remember how you refused to marry me at first?”

  “Yes. Wha
t a fool I was.”

  “Which reminds me,” he said, changing the subject. “Have you written to your friends yet to tell them our good news?”

  “No, but I will. And soon. I can’t wait to hear if their relationships are blossoming with Candleton and Pomeroy.”

  “I think my friends were quite taken with your friends.”

  “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if they found as true a love as we have, James?”

  “Yes, wonderful indeed. It would prove that we have superb taste in friends. And I can’t wait to tell them we’re going to have a little girl.”

  “Yes do,” Nella laughed. “That will just about guarantee that we’ll have a boy!”

  James kissed her fiercely. “Well of course we will, my love. Because I insist upon at least one of each.”

  “Oh, James,” she said as tears ran down her cheeks.

  He lowered his head and kissed her again. “We seem to have done an all right job of things, haven’t we.”

  “Yes, we have,” she smiled.

  “Except for one thing,” he said soberly.

  “What’s that, my dear perfectionist?”

  James stretched his arms behind his head and gave a dramatic sigh.

  “You, my dearest, have not yet learned to dance.”

  Chapter 13

  Four months later

  He was going to tie her to the bedpost for sure, he fumed.

  “For the last time, it’s not safe for you to travel.”

  “Oh fie! I’m barely six months, James, and I’ve never felt better. Please, let me come with you. I’ll stay in the carriage. And besides, you’ll need someone to hold the babe until we get to the vicar’s home in Lancashire.”

  “I can do that just fine.”

  “Pish-tosh!” Nella gave him her most dramatic look. “And what if the infant requires a change of nappy. Hm? You’ll do that, as well?”

  James recoiled. Bloody hell. He hadn’t thought of nasty nappies.

  “Nella, darling, I’ll work it out.”

  She grinned. “You’ll do no such thing. Because I’ll be there.” She hooked elbows with him and sidled close. “You know you’ll want me with you.” She turned her face up to him and delivered her most engaging smile. The one he could never resist.